I'm Nicole Fisher. I design spaces for a living, crafting those wow moments our clients get to enjoy every single day. And I've spent the last 13 years figuring out what people really want versus what they think they want. Turns out that applies to basically everything in life. So pull up a chair. This is the interior perspective. Welcome back to the Interior Perspective. Today, I want to talk about something that is pretty vulnerable, not something I really talk about out loud too much. I have this very vivid memory coming back from the Hamptons, from a job that we were working on out east, and my son opened the door as I was coming home and just walked right by me. No sense of greeting, no sense of hello. Very not rude, but just nonchalant. Just not absorbing who I was. And I attribute this feeling to the fact that I just wasn't around. He walked by me as if he didn't know me. He walked by me as if I was someone coming to cut the grass. And it's a feeling that I'll never forget because at that moment, I just didn't feel like his mother. I didn't feel like I was doing a good job of anything. It was maybe the lowest I felt as a parent. And the worst part about it was that I had just come back from a job where the client completely undervalued me and what I brought to the table. So it was a moment that I felt like a genuine failure at both. I was failing at my job, I was failing at my home life. And at that point, I really decided to make a decision. And I was. I really made the choice of just not take jobs so far away anymore. The driving back and forth, I would literally drive the six hours out east and come back in the same day. It was chaotic. It was some of the most exhausted, ridiculously low feeling. My health was at an all time low. My weight was at an all time high. Everything about self preservation and taking care of myself, taking care of my family, taking care of my son, all of that went to the wayside. And I don't remember what that shift was, but I know that I was not prioritizing anything other than working 100 hour weeks. That's the only thing that I thought I had to do that I cared about doing, that I did do. And it was almost killing me. And it wasn't until I read this book, Buy Back youk Time, that my presence became very intentional and became something that I had to schedule. And it sounds insane to say this out loud, but I was forced to schedule everything in my Life really compartmentalize my calendar to a point where family time or time with Sebastian or time to go to a baseball game was in the calendar. There was no way for me to just make the time if I didn't force it into my calendar and then had to adhere to that calendar. So my calendar really became like a bible for me in a way where if it was in there, then that was it. And I had to do it not to say that I am now. Now I'm able to go to everything. I still can't, I still won't, but I no longer miss the things that I really want to be a part of. And that's because they're preloaded into my week, my month, my year, scheduling him almost like a client. It sounds ridiculous, and it's true. It's what I've had to do to make these moments happen, to make them work. And I can't feel guilty about it. I think as women, we're just. We're told we have to be a certain way. We're told we have to do everything. We're told we have to be superwoman and carry all of this weight and guilt on our shoulders. And it's just bullshit. Honestly. It's. It's not about forcing yourself to be superhuman. It's forcing yourself to listen to your. To your body, to your brain, and being really strategic on where you're spending your time. If I want to make dinner happen with my family three days a week, I'm going to put it in my calendar, and I'm going to abide by it, and I'm going to leave my job when I have to leave in order to make that dinner happen. What I don't do is put it in my calendar and then forget it's there, because that would be a complete waste of this journey that I'm on right now. And losing that element of guilt has allowed me to. To just, like, take a breath, take a break, lean on my spouse, who really does 90% of the parenthood. But I came into this knowing that I would only be able to do so much. And I think the best thing I could have done for our marriage, although it was a very difficult conversation, was to say honestly that I can't be at everything. I won't be at everything. I can't do everything. I won't do everything. I can't be the homemaker and the cleaner and the breadwinner and the super mom. I can't do it all. It's not possible. Accept that of me and get help where we can and be okay with that. And this conversation ended up as a. This is what I can offer. You're on board or you're not. And it might sound harsh, it might sound maybe a little insane, but this is just who I am as a person. I am as a businesswoman, I am as a mother. I won't pretend that life isn't about trade offs. I can't do this, but I will do this. I can't do this, but I will do that. I can't pretend to be good at everything. I can't pretend to be at everything. And it is the reframe of my brain that I had to just make happens. Because guilt is what happens when you measure yourself against some like, impossible standard that someone else sent. And that's just so unfair. That is. It's unfair. You have to trade off and trade offs happen. When you get really honest about your actual life, be honest about what you are able to do, what you want to do. Women in power don't have this conversation enough. And why I think it's so important for me to have this conversation and continue to have this conversation. Because life is all about trade offs and we have to be okay with those trade offs. And it doesn't make you a selfish person. I know a lot of people that are listening to this or that know me are very comfortable saying that I am just a selfish person. And I think listening to my needs, my heart, my body, my brain, doesn't make me a selfish person. I think it makes me a very direct person. I think it makes me. A smart person. I think there are so many positives that can come out of it when you are able to not only listen to yourself, but act on it, be okay with it, and then finally appreciate it. And I want us to continue to have this conversation because nobody tells ambitious women that you can be a great mom and still miss the PTA meeting. That you can have this amazing marriage and still need your spouse to carry more than half of the load. I don't think that's fair. Failure. I think it's really honest. I think this is the honesty that we need to hear. Because what we see on social, what we see online, what we see everywhere at the pickup line, is projecting this idea of perfection, Projecting this idea that you can do everything. And I am fully here to say enough is enough. You can't stop pretending and be okay with what you can do and be appreciative of what you can offer someone else. Because that level of honesty is the only thing that actually holds it all together. So I leave you with that. More on Substack in the coming weeks on this, particularly with respect to how I feel a little bit of that guilt void with my son, because that doesn't go away. As much as we try, I don't think that's a feeling that goes away. So follow along, subscribe, and we'll see you next week. That's it for today. If something landed, send it to someone who really needs to hear this, like, subscribe. Come back next week and subscribe. And if you need more in the meantime, you can find me at Nicole R. Fisher and everything. NFI at Nicole Fisher Interiors. See you next time.